Scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

If I was in the Real IRA I'd move to Spain and start a football club.

At last, after years of atrocities and the appalling treatment of millions, it's over. Details are still sketchy, but finally......

Westlife are splitting up.

Rats are under rated.

Just check your dictionary.

Now pay attention 007. This may look like a normal Blackberry.
But this one actually works.

The awkward when you forget to say moment.

Has anybody checked that he isn't just on Airplane Mode ?

Have they tried holding down Steve Jobs belly button for 10 seconds.

Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.

I believe a lot of conflict in the old west could have been avoided if the architects had just made the towns big enough for everyone.

Did you know that if you put your ear up against a stranger's arm you can hear them say, "What the hell are you doing?"

Christianity: The belief that a cosmic jewish zombie who is his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Seems legit.

Joany told me today that I take everything too literally and that I need to chill out.
It's okay though, after explaining to her that I don't take life too literally and informing her that I prefer my body temperature at a normal, working level, we resolved the conversation and I continued with my day.

There are loads of people in Clapham Junction playing medieval instruments really badly.

Will this mindless luting never end?

Vivienne Westwood is 70 today. Thanks to Joany she can afford to treat herself.

I can't help but think that if Jesus had smartened himself up for the trial, things could have turned out differently.

Tip. If the zombie apocalypse ever occurs, just surround your house with inward facing treadmills.

I don't know why Fulham fans are complaining. I'm sure their statue was cheaper than the £50m Chelsea paid for theirs.

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

If you watch Mr. Bean without the laugh track it's a very moving drama about a man with severe learning difficulties who struggles to cope with simple everyday tasks.